Digging New Ruts

Do you remember the way the roads looked in those old western TV shows or Little House on the Prairie?

Kinda like this:

They all had these wagon wheel ruts in them.

As I was discipling a couple of ladies last night, we began to talk about what I had written in my last post (see my "Faith" post). During our conversation, one of the ladies asked me, "But how do we have that kinda faith? How can we just look past people's offenses?"

As we continued to discuss her questions, I felt the Lord impress on me the mental image of wagon wheel ruts. If you know anything about addiction and what it does to the human brain, then, you probably have heard that addicting behaviors literally carve pathways into your brain's physiology. As a person continues to feed the addiction, those pathways deepen over time making it harder and harder to not give in and do something different.

These pathway carvings are like wagon wheel ruts. Over time, the ruts get deeper and deeper. Trying to pull a wagon wheel out of one of these ruts could often lead to a broken wheel. Also, choosing to not follow the ruts and dig new ones was tremendously difficult and risky because you ran the risk of falling back into a rut and again breaking a wheel.

Along those same lines, I believe any serious shift in the way we do things can be compared to this image, even shifts in our spiritual lives. The answer to the lady I was discipling's question is not a pat, easy answer. It is one that is difficult and bears a fair amount of risk.

We must dig new ruts.

Just as the person breaking free of an addiction must learn to carve new pathways (most successfully with God's help), we must learn to think about faith/trust in a new way. The first step is getting the wheel out of the rut. This is often a huge effort (depending on how deeply engrained the something is that we are trying to change) and can be painful and scary as we try to let go of the way we have always thought or done something.

In regards to faith ("How do we have that kinda faith?"), I think the shift becomes less about having the faith/trust in Jesus to deal with a situation and more about having the faith/trust to see Jesus behind/past the situation. This is a big shift. One focuses on dealing with it. The other focuses on letting it go.

After the wheel has gotten out of the rut, we now have to tread over uncharted territory. The road less traveled Frost would tell us. The territory deals with the the how to's ("How can we just look past people's offenses?"). I think the answer lies solely in the One to whom we are looking. As we look past the offense or fear and focus our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, we find ourselves focusing much less on what we must do and much more on who He says we are to be.

We can look past people's offenses because the King in in control and that same King has adopted us as His children, and if we are His children and He is total absolute control, what offense or fear could possibly harm us without His sovereign hand directing, protecting, and sustaining us through it all?

*I doubt very much that that long sentence is correct grammatically but it works for me :-)

So, I am testing out this new ground. Is it kinda scary and hard? Sure. But not because of God. It is scary and hard because it is new. But nothing stays new. Eventually, it becomes a part of what we do. But I am a long way from that.

I've gotta dig some new ruts.

Do you understand faith?

Ted Dekker.

If you have talked to me about books in the last 5 years, then I have probably mentioned Ted. Hands down he is my favorite author. Maybe ever.

Why?

Because I have learned a tremendous amount about my faith and what it needs to look like in this world from reading his books.

But, rather than launch into all of that, I want to focus on the title of this post.

Do you understand faith?

I mean the word. Faith. What does it mean to have faith. To really have it?

I just finished Ted's latest work, A.D. 30. This is his first overtly Christian book, and I was excited to see how he wrote Jesus after reading shadows of Jesus in his other books for the last 5 years. I was not disappointed, but what struck me even more was a theme he first introduced in Water Walker.

Faith = Trust

If I claim to have faith in Jesus, why then do I still fear people or things? Why do I still take offense at what people or this world do or say to me? Why do I get anxious? Stressed? Etc.?

I experience all those things because I struggle with faith. I struggle with trust.

If my faith was strong, if I really trusted Him with all my being, if I gave myself over to him completely, all my hopes, dreams, desires, and goals and trusted, then what can stand against His will and His purposes for me?

Nothing.

So, the only reason I struggle, I fear, I fret, and I worry is because I choose to not trust. I choose the things of this world, the agendas of my heart, and the "reality" of my situation rather than faith in Jesus.

If I truly trusted, then no one can hurt me (physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually) unless He allows it. Not one hair on my head can be affected without the Lord of the Universe granting it to be. And if He allows it, this One who is perfectly good, steadfastly loving, and immensely kind, what does it matter the outcome? He is in control and He is with me through it all. It is in Him and His goodness that my faith is placed...not the storm in my life, not the fear of being mocked, not the uncertainty of my next paycheck, etc.. My faith, my trust, should be in the One who is above all things, controls all things, and knows all things.

That kind of faith is like that of a child. A child who does not know to fear or take offense because they trust the One who holds their hand. That hand means safety. It means peace. It means joy. It means confidence. Not because of who I am...but because of the One whose hand it is.

And that kind of faith? It can tell a mountain to move...and it will.

Do you understand faith? I'm still learning...

God?

Can I hold your hand?

Transitions

Hello blogging world. It has been a long time again, but I have some time over the next two weeks.  As I have said before, blogging for me is kinda like journaling for others. It just has a cooler more masculine feel to say blog instead of journal...anyway...

It's been over seven and a half months since I left my first and only full time pastoral position.

Seven and a half months.

I know that doesn't sound too long. I know that it shouldn't feel so long, but it does.

Seven and a half months of feeling...well...useless.

I realized that is what I have been feeling just yesterday while listening to Jan Karon's newest book, Somewhere Safe with Someone Good, on the CD's I rented from Cracker Barrel. I have read/listened to quite a few of her Mitford books and find that I like Father Tim a good bit. But I was surprised to hear him (Jane Karon really) express what has been in my heart as clearly as I heard it yesterday.

Useless.

It really is an ugly word. Nothing about it communicates value or worth. It just sits there. Pitiful. Painful. Useless.

As I mulled all this over today while doing some yard work for my dad, the Spirit's voice was quick to jump into the conversation. I really didn't want Him to jump in...I was just fine enjoying my wallowing. But He is the Lord and when He wants to jump in He just does so...*sigh*

So, I began to listen.

-------------------------
Useless, my son? In what way?

Are you useless as you disciple a group of ladies every Monday night and they tell you frequently how much they appreciate it and how much they are growing?

Are you useless as you disciple four other people individually each week? Are you useless as you watch them grow each and every week and see them becoming more of who I made them to be?

Are you useless when you receive a surprise and much needed check in the mail just to say thank you for devoting that time each week?

Are you useless when you receive an anonymous extra gift to support you and your family's ministry from the church you attend?

And speaking of that church, are you useless when you preach once a month? Are you useless when you teach the youth Sunday school and see them think about things they hadn't thought about before?

Are you useless when you are becoming more consistent and stronger in longstanding areas of weakness in your marriage? Are you useless as I draw you and your bride closer together than you have ever been?

Are you useless when you invest your time with each of your children and all of them in ways that most dads never have the time or chance to?

Are you useless when you help your parents out with things they can not do physically any more during this season?

Are you useless as you plan and work out your strengths and giftings while not being sidetracked by the many duties of a pastor?

Tell me, son, how exactly are you useless?
-------------------------

And thus I was rebuked. And so, I am trying...trying to focus on how He is using me here and now instead of on what I think I should be doing. I am trying to grow in patience as He works out the next phase of ministry for me and my family. I am trying to trust. Trying to trust that He knows the plans He has for me and that my lot is to wait in grateful expectation.

I have found that waiting is hard. Waiting is harder when you are living with you parents. It is harder when you have a wife you want to provide for. It is harder when you have children that you want to give their own space to. It is harder when you want to shepherd a people again.

Waiting is just hard.

Yet, I wait.

    Teach me your way, O LORD,
        and lead me on a level path
        because of my enemies.
    Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
        for false witnesses have risen against me,
        and they breathe out violence.
   
    I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
        in the land of the living!
    Wait for the LORD;
        be strong, and let your heart take courage;
        wait for the LORD!

(Psalm 27:11-14 ESV)

Is "The Gospel" our new idol?

Gospel-Driven

Gospel-Focused

Gospel-Centered

It is all about The Gospel.

The Gospel is the most important thing.

Our primary purpose is to proclaim The Gospel.

Gospel, gospel, gospel…

Now, I am not trying to be provocative for the sake of being provocative. As an ordained, evangelical, conservative, Bible-believing, Spirit-led, minister of “The Gospel”, I am increasingly concerned that we are losing our focus.

Stay with me here. What word or phrase should we allow to complete these sentences?

The most important thing to our church is ______________?

or how about

As a follower of Jesus, the most important thing I can do is teach others about ________________?

What should we put into the blanks?

Prayer? That doesn’t seem right.

Fellowship? Nooooo…not really.

The Bible? Hmmm…still a bit murky.

Worship? It just doesn’t seem to fit.

Mercy? Grace? The Cross? The Resurrection? Forgiveness? Holiness? Theology? Our denomination? Our traditions? Church history? Faith? Justification? Righteousness? Sanctification?

Do any of them seem adequate?

Now, go back and plug in “The Gospel.”

All of a sudden it just seems adequate? Why?

I believe it seems righter (I know that isn’t a word) than lots of other terms because it is the buzz word right now. It seems you can say just about anything about “The Gospel” and no one will even bat an eye.

Examples:

The whole reason Jesus came was to proclaim The Gospel.

Our purpose in this life is to know The Gospel.

The New Testament is built around the idea of making The Gospel known.

The Gospel changes us.

The Gospel saves us.

The Gospel should be the most important thing in your life.

It is all about The Gospel.

Does anyone else out there feel uncomfortable with the ease at which this phrase is used? Maybe it is just me. No other Christianeze word fills those sentences with such confidence as “The Gospel” seems to do. So, am I saying that it is wrong to do so? Yes. I suppose I am. Because if you strip out the words “The Gospel” from the above sentences and put in the only word that should be there, then I believe you will find, as I have, that even such great words as “The Gospel” fall short. The only word that has earned the right to be in those sentences is the name above every name. Jesus.

The whole reason Jesus came was to proclaim Himself.

Our purpose in this life is to know Jesus.

The New Testament is built around the idea of making Jesus known.

Jesus changes us.

Jesus saves us.

Jesus should be the most important thing in your life.

It is all about Jesus.

Do you hear the difference?

I guess the reason I am concerned is that often times the people and churches that are over-using “The Gospel” and also the ones under defining it. If you don’t believe me just listen sometime. Listen to the people and churches that are proclaiming the primacy of “The Gospel.” As they proclaim it are they also defining it? Does their definition of the Gospel stay the same or does it change to meet the point they are making? Is it a literal definition meaning the good news of Jesus Christ? Or is it the story of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection? Or maybe it is the larger narrative running from creation to fall to law to the virgin birth to the sinless life to the cross to the resurrection to the redemption to the return? Or maybe it is about the life changing power we have each day? Is it all of them? Is it different ones at different times?

You see…it just has become murky. It is really easy for everyone to use the same words but have very different meanings. Just let a Mormon in sometime and let him tell you about salvation, justification, and faith. Let a Jehovah Witnesses in sometime and listen as she tells you about the same words. The listen to a Muslim. Then a Buddhist. Then a Catholic. Then a Jew.Then any protestant Christians you know. I guarantee that you will hear the same words but hear very different meanings.

The story of Jesus. The Good News of Jesus. The Gospel of Jesus. Whatever you call it, it is wonderful. It is important. It is just as important as any other Chistianeze word I listed earlier. But Jesus…Jesus is Jesus and “The Gospel” is not…unless, of course, that is your definition of “The Gospel.”

You see… words simply mean different things to different people and our lack of thoughtfulness when we use the words “The Gospel” and when we hear others who use those same words makes us vulnerable for putting something in the blank that only Jesus should be in…and that my friends make it…an idol.

For full disclosure my working definition of “The Gospel:”

“Humanity was created to be in relationship, to have fellowship, and that fellowship was to be with the One who created us all. We were to walk with Him in the garden and enjoy the wonder of that relationship for all time, yet we rejected it. We listened to a lie and desired more. We doubted that the God of the universe was enough. So humanity fell. We sinned. We lost the fellowship we were created to have. The holy God of creation could no longer allow us into His presence. Sin became the barrier that broke our intended purpose of fellowship and worship. But as a display of mercy, God gave us the law. In the law, humanity saw just how fallen we really were, we saw just how holy God really is, and we saw how large the gap between sin and holiness has always been. Yet the law’s demands were too high, its price we were unable to pay, and the path of purity was found too impossible to live out. Still, God in His grace provided a way for the demands of the law to be met and the sinfulness of man to be atoned for all in one person, one perfect, sinless person, Jesus. Through the birth, life, death on the cross, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the just wrath of God was satisfied for the sins of all who would be drawn to Him by faith through the call of the Holy Spirit. However, the goodness of God doesn’t stop there! The life of a follower of Jesus is about so much more than the glory of forgiveness (although it must start there!). It is about the victory of the life we are now empowered to live. It is about the opportunity to love the One who has done it all and because of that love also be able to love our neighbors as ourselves. It is about taking that love from Him and returning it to Him and to others by pouring ourselves out as a living sacrifice as He makes us become fishers of men. Fishers who disciple the nations as a grateful response to eternal love. It is about the restoration of a relationship, the renewal of a fellowship, and the return to a reality that we shall once again walk with Him in the cool of the day. This is the good news of Jesus. This is The Gospel.”

I am not saying this is a perfect definition, but when I speak of The Gospel this is what I mean. What do you mean? What do the people you hear say it mean? Do you know? Ask...just please ask and then listen to see if it proves consistent. But whatever you do...don't let it be an idol.

Thoughts?

Joy in Sadness

Dear one,

Sadness. Joyfulness.

Two extremes that are not meant to dwell together...yet often do.

They exist when I receive news of how you are doing.

Sadness because you are not here. Sadness because I am selfish and want to see you, hear you, speak with you. I want to watch you in the midst of my family. I want to hear you laugh, see your smile, know you are safe. Sadness because I no longer know when I might see you again. Be able to hold you as the daughter I consider you to be. Sadness because the world is big, mean at times, unpredictable, and not as it should be. Sadness because I am not needed as I once was. Sadness because I can't see you becoming who you are supposed to be because the miles separating us are too great.

Sadness...

and yet...

joy comes in the morning.

Joyfulness because you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Joyfulness because it isn't about me, it's about those who can see you, can hear you, can speak with you. Joyfulness because you are in the midst of a new family. They want to hear you laugh, see your smile, know that you are safe. Joyfulness because I know that One Day I will indeed see you again. I will be able to hold you as the sister you now are. Joyfulness because the world is small in the hands of the One who holds it together, it's meanness is petty compared to the goodness of its maker, what seems unpredictable to us is happening exactly as it should according to a plan set from eternity, and all will one day be exactly as it should be. Joyfulness because you have found the One who you need every second of every day. Joyfulness because faith doesn't rely on what we can see...but on the One who sees all.

It must be morning.

You are loved soooo much,

Me

Reinventing the Wheel

I'm not sure when it happened.

In fact, I'm not sure anyone knows when it happened.

But it has happened.

The wheel isn't what it used to be. Its been changed. Altered. Distorted. In fact, I'm not sure it is even a wheel anymore.

What am I talking about? Well, let me try and explain. I don't know how to create cool images so I found this one and you will just have to bear with me as I use words to label it.

There used to be a day when the people understood that the very core of who they were was defined by their person-hood. The very core of their being was their true self. Not a habit. Not a fault. Not a vice. Not an ability. Sure we were people that did or didn't do certain things. Believed or didn't believe certain things. But those things did not define us. We were persons. Individual, unique persons.

So, in the image above, imagine the word personhood or self in the middle of the wagon wheel. Now imagine various words coming out of that center written on the spokes: loving, athletic, kind, alcoholic, loyal, prone to anger, etc.

An endless number of spokes coming out of one center, one core, one given truth for all people. So each wagon wheel of a person had the same core, but we were distinguished by our spokes.

Within the Christian worldview, that center is either sinful or righteous depending on our understanding of and relationship with Jesus Christ. The center and very core of our person-hood is either tainted and corrupted by sin or redeemed and reborn through Christ. And yet, as sharp as a distinction as those two opposites are, they both are descriptors of the same thing: person-hood or self.

But that is how it used to be. That's no longer the case anymore. The wheel has changed.

Changed to what?

Well, if you take that same image and put person-hood on a spoke and change what is in the middle, then, it fundamentally changes the wheel.

Imagine with me that at the center of this different wheel is the word sexuality. This change changes everything. Because we know that the very center of us is the person we really are and if we become convinced that the thing that defines us as individuals, persons, and humans is our sexuality, then we lose sight of the need for our whole person to be redeemed. We lose sight of the concept of sin. We lose sight of the Biblical truth that we were made in the image of God.

Sexuality becomes our god.

Somehow, this has already taken place. We as a culture have adopted this new wheel. We now define people and accept people based on this false identity of sexuality.

It is important that the church wake up to this reality because, when we have discussions about homosexuality, Scripture uses the wheel of person-hood while our culture uses and the homosexual agenda pushes the wheel of sexuality. When we say sin defines a person at the very core of who they are, our society no longer hears that the whole person is sinful from the center on out. They hear us say that the churches view of a person's sexuality determines if they are sinful from the core on out.

So, when we say rightly that homosexuality is a sinful lifestyle, we say it as a way to identify a spoke on the person-hood wheel which is an indication to the deeper person-hood problem, but when a gay person hears us say that their lifestyle is sinful they hear it as an attack on their very person-hood (core) not a symptom (spoke) of their person-hood.

So, the next time you have a conversation about homosexuality (and you will) remember that we are not all coming from the same starting place. The wheel has changed and the only way we can move the discussion forward is to reinvent the wheel.

Author's Note*** After finally writing this down instead of carrying it around in my head, it occurs to me that there may be many different corruptions of that original wheel out there in society today. Maybe once we lost the person-hood of the unborn we opened the door to many alternate cores for many different wheels. I know people who would define who they are by an ability (athletic, musical, creative). I know other that would define themselves by their jobs. Deep down inside I believe we know that it is not an ability or an occupation or even our sexuality that defines us, yet they are the false gods that have moved to the center of the wheel.Those of us whose core person-hood has been redeemed by Christ and His work on the cross would do well to remember that many of those we encounter do not use the same wheel we use. May we indeed seek to reinvent the wheel.

A Gay Conversation

Hello World!

Sorry for the long delay again. It seems blogging is not something I have figured out how to fit into my schedule yet...but hey! My wife has inspired me with her blogging. :-)

I wanted to write this for two reasons: 1) To get me own thoughts in order and 2) because I would like to know your thoughts.

Below is a conversation that hasn't happened but very well could in the next two weeks. Since moving back to Goldsboro, I have met a man who I am beginning to get to know. He seems not only willing but interested in discussing his views on faith and as a follower of Jesus who also happens to be a pastor, I am super excited and willing to join in such a discussion. So, I wanted to lay out for you how I see the conversation going.

My next blog post, which I hope to write on Friday, will detail a bit more of the theology and thinking behind this conversation and what I believe to be the major hurdle in how the church needs to respond to those struggling with sexuality in our society.

But for now....a conversation.

C (Me): Hey Bob. How ya doin'.
B (the guy): Fine. How are you? How is the job search going?
C: Ok, I suppose. It takes a long time to get matched up at a new church.
B: Well, that is kinda how I feel too.
C: What do you mean?
B: Well, it's just that I don't really fit in at churches. I mean...I already know I'm going to hell (said in a mocking voice).
C: Why are you going to hell? Did someone tell you that?
B: Well, because I am gay. Lots of people have told me that..especially Christians.
C: I'm sorry people have hurt you, Bob.
B: Don't you think I am going to hell. I mean...isn't that what you preach on Sundays?
C: (laughing softly) Well, not normally. Of course I do preach about hell on occasion but let me level with you, Bob, about what the Bible teaches. The Bible teaches that everyone is going to hell. You, me, the lunch lady, the little ol' sweet lady down the street, everyone...unless we have been awakened to our sinfulness and have found the only one who can deal with that sinfulness. That's where Jesus fits in.
B: But I'm gay.
C: And I'm not. But I've stolen things, I've cussed people up one side and down another, I've yelled at my kids, I've hated people, I've lied. So, you're gay. Why does that make you go to hell any more than someone like me?
B: But I thought all gay people are going to hell...?
C: They are. Just like alcoholics are. Just like thieves are. Just like murders are. Just like super nice people who help the little old ladies across the street are. And just like I am or was.
B: ummmm?
C: Bob, the wonder of Christianity is that God saves any of us from hell. We all deserve it. You gayness doesn't make you more bound for hell than me. Because you and I we both have the same problem. Sin. Not gayness. Sin is the problem not our sexuality.
B: But I can't separate my gayness from who I am! That's like saying you're not white. You just are. And I just am...gay.
C: Bob, that is where you are wrong. I mean, I am white, you're right about that, but being white doesn't define me. Just like being gay doesn't define you. You and I, Bob, under my whiteness and regardless of your gayness and born the same. Sinful. Our sin is what defines us Lost. Rebellious. Defiant. We come into this world with one objective to get what we want, as much as we want, as quick as we want because we are sinfully selfish. Me, you, everyone is in the same boat. A boat that will sink. A boat that will wreck. But, Bob, the wonder of it all is that Jesus says, "I can change you. I can transform all that sinfulness. I can make you into something you could never hope to be on your own. Righteous...or in more common language...clean. I can clean you from all that sin. I can change you from the very core of who you are all the way out." That is what Jesus can do, Bob. And that is what Jesus has done and is continuing to do for me. I am not who I once was. I have been made new. I am still being made new.
B: I'm not really sure what to think about all this...
C: Bob, listen to me. All have sinned. All deserve hell. But Jesus can step in and change all of that for those who have been given the gift to wake up from their sinfulness, see it for what it is, cry out for help, and call on Jesus to rescue them from their sin. He can do that for you...but you need to let go of who you think you are. Jesus isn't interested in some of you. He demands all of who you truly are. All of Bob. Not Bob as defined by his sexuality. But Bob defined by your sinfulness. All of you. And what do you get in exchange? Life. Life like you never knew it existed. All of your sinfulness which leads to death for true life. That is the offer Jesus makes.
B: Well, that isn't what I've heard. That sounds...well, I'm not sure how that sounds but giving up who I am because you say I'm in a sinking boat seems a bit...well, childish. I'm gay. It's who I am.
C: Fair enough. But childish or not...it is rock solid truth. I'm changed because I made the trade. My sinfulness for Jesus' righteousness. Death for Life.

Thoughts?