Privilege

Merriam Webster (2018)

Definition of privilege (Noun)

: a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor : prerogative especially : such a right or immunity attached specifically to a position or an office

Definition of privilege (Verb)

1 : to grant a privilege to

2 : to accord a higher value or superior position to privilege one mode of discourse over another

Webster (1828)

I struggle with this word. Noun. Verb. I struggle.

Maybe its just me. Maybe I'm alone in my struggle. Maybe...but maybe not.

Maybe there are others who are uncomfortable, bothered by, and even angered by this word being used as a club to beat others with.

Why is it so bothersome? Why does it cause such a push back reaction in my heart?

For many, many months now I have been off and on again trying to process my reaction to this word. Today, I thought I would share some of my musings and thoughts to see if putting it in writing might help.

Yesterday, I read a wonderful post about the difference between blessing and privilege. By wonderful I mean it was well written, clear, honest, and vulnerable. Yet, it too didn't quite address the root issue (at least to me).

On one hand, I completely get it. By growing up white, middle class, and male I had certain advantages that others who were not white, not middle class, and not male did not. That is an indisputable fact. I agree with it. I offer no push back as to that reality.

But let me ask these questions. If that therefor translates to me being "privileged," then that must mean that those who can check those boxes are the "privileged" ones, right? If that has now become the "privileged" standard, then is everyone trying to enter that group? Or at the very least, is the goal for everyone to have the same inherent "privileges" that white, middle, class, males have?

I doubt many would fully agree with that. Why? Because it's not enough. "Privilege" has to also included upper class does it not? How about female too? Is the key determiner race? Is white the only privileged race? So, all those stereotypical super smart Asian kids aren't privileged? Dr. Ben Carson one of the best doctors in the world is still not considered "privileged" just because he is not white? President Obama is still not considered "privileged" because he fails to check the race box?

Can no one move up in this world unless they are the right gender, right economic class, or right race? Does work ethic, overcoming your parents divorce, abuse, trauma, or education shortfalls mean nothing anymore?

I could go on and on.

Where does it stop? Who gets to actually define what "privilege" is and who has it and who doesn't?

This morning I read that "privilege" isn't about what you have but what you didn't have to go through. That makes for a great soundbite, but where again does that stop? Can't anyone claim that since they didn't have two parents in the home, a house instead of an apartment, two cars instead of one, 3 siblings instead of none, two pets instead of 4, and on and on that they were disadvantaged to those who had those things...those "privileged" ones?

At the end of the day, isn't "privilege" the new way of saying racist? Maybe it's not, but it sure seems that way.

I guess the thing I struggle with the most about the word is that it robs everyone of their story, their journey, their testimony. Everyone. It focuses either on what someone had that you didn't or what you have to go through and they don't. Neither one of those scenarios helps us see the One who helps us overcome what we are lacking and helps us travel through what comes our way.

The underlying assumption of "privilege" is that my journey is much harder than yours. At the end of the day, isn't that an arrogant thing to say? Last time I checked, none of us know everything about anyone. Maybe we shouldn't assume we do so now just because it's 2018.

I get it. The world is hard. People are unfair. Life isn't easy. Circumstances can seem to make or break us. That truth was taught a long time ago.

"I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."  - John 16:33

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." - 1 Peter 5:10 

Just the thoughts of a fellow traveler. 

 

On Behalf of Men

***Well, this is it. My return to the blogosphere. Let me begin with the disclaimers. These are my thoughts, my opinions, my musings, and my reflections on life and culture. They are not to be interpreted as the views of my church or my denomination of which and through which I am an ordained minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I do not presume to be right about all that I express, but rather I hope to be viewed as a fellow traveler along the pathway of life. With all that said, I do endeavor to write truthfully, honestly, and in submission to my faith since it guides every fiber of my being.***

Now.

For the last 2-3 weeks, I have watched, read, and prayed as the drama unfolded in the nominating and now installing of our latest Supreme Court Justice. I have been horrified, angered, disappointed, and shocked by numerous things over these last few weeks as many others have as well. Yet, depending on which "side of the isle" people find themselves aligning with, those emotional reactions have been to the same events but with vastly different results. I do not presume to change anyone's mind over those events, so I will not even attempt to try. Sadly, most align themselves so fully and deeply with their "isles" that rational conversation seems an unattainable goal.

I did try, and I will demonstrate the futility of it below.

On the morning of the confirmation hearings, a high school classmate of mine posted on FB that we should all support Dr. Ford. I made a comment on her wall and thus it began:

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Me: No one should be "supporting" anyone. Innocent until proven guilty still needs to mean something. Also, we should give the benefit of the doubt to the one who says they were wronged. We can do both at the same time. We should all be supportive of finding the truth not versions of the truth that different sides "support."

(later that night) High School Classmate: I assume you didn’t spend the day listening to today’s hearing... it doesn’t matter because your insistence on neutrality and apathy on this is disheartening. Especially coming from a son of a single mother, partner in a heterosexual relationship, and father of young girls. That you choose not to be an ally and believer of women is shockingly disappointing.

 

Me: neutrality is not equal to apathy. It is equal to neutrality. When did I say I wasn’t a believer of women? I said innocent until proven guilty AND benefit of the doubt to the one wronged (that would be the woman, correct?). Actually, I did watch about 75% of the hearings today. Do you want to discuss the hearings or make broad sweeping accusations based on where you have deduced that I stand on it all?

Classmate: Chris, no one knows where you stand in anything because your knee jerk reaction to everything to stand in the middle and never take a side. Never supporting the victim but always playing it. If you stand for something, say it. Do you believe her or not? Otherwise, it’s just white noise. I don’t have the luxury of neutrality. And I don’t have time to talk to people who do.

Me: So everyone should have gone into the hearing with their minds made up? Really? It was wrong for me to seek to be neutral before hearing from the Dr and the judge? We will have to agree to disagree on that if you think I was wrong to do so...those were some harsh words. What about do I believe him? Why is it just her that I have to decide on? He is a real person too with a real wife and real kids. All of them matter. If you care what I think go read what I just wrote on my wall. I shared my thoughts after listening today. Not before...after. But if you don’t have time, I understand. I think it’s sad but it is certainly your choice. I thought we might be able to discuss this. I guessed wrong. I won’t make the mistake again.

Classmate: I don’t think he’s fit to do the job because 3 women have come forward with sexual assault allegations which leads me to question his ability the rule on laws that impact women or sexual assault. I didn’t need two additional women or to hear the hearings to make up my mind because I make it a point to believe people when they come forward about sexual assault...

I don’t give two craps about his life. He’s on deck to become a justice of the Supreme Court. His family and their happiness have nothing to do with me. But I will not be neutral when an attempted rapist and serial assaulter is about to be appointed to the highest court in the land.

AND it’s my page. I don’t have to be nice to anyone. And I don’t have mince my words when someone wastes my time making non-arguments. And not actually discussing anything. You have yet to say definitively if you believe Dr. Ford or not. You have yet to say whether you would be comfortable with Judge Kavanaugh rising to the highest court in the land. You never say anything useful or interesting or even controversial. You say nothing. Believe nothing, then get upset when people fail to see where you’re NOT coming from. You do this EVERY TIME!

Not today, dude. There’s too much on the line.

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*sigh*

Well, that went well didn't it? I left off the numerous comments made by her friends directed towards me because...well, you can imagine what they were like.

So, what is this post about? Well, it's about men. For many, many weeks and honestly months and a few years now, I've heard and read how hard it is to be a woman nowadays. What I haven't heard is a guy brave enough to say, "It's pretty dang hard to be a man too ya know." 

So, I figured I say it.

Men. Men are evil. Toxic masculinity. The world's problems are all caused by men. Sound familiar?

You wanna know why men get so angry when they hear those accusations? Because the ones who are actually trying to be men (not boys in men's bodies, not wimps, not thugs, not criminals, not political weasels, not chauvinistic pigs, not abusers, not rapists but real honest to goodness men) are ridiculed, mocked, defamed, undervalued, underappreciated, invisible, and tired. So very, very tired of it all.

You wanna know why people liked Parenthood? Men were on display. 

You wanna know why people like This is Us? Men are on display.

You wanna know why people like Marvel movies? Men are on display.

You wanna sell out the box office or grow a loyal fan base for a TV show? Write in good solid men and you will draw the nation.

I'm not talking about popular. Lots of things are popular. I'm talking about what brings people back with deep loyalty. Think about Lost. Was it the story telling? Absolutely! But what else? Men were written to be men. Not perfect. But true men.

I have no idea why the tide has turned so harshly on true solid masculinity, but I can say this. All over this country there are good, decent, hardworking, strong, loving men doing the hard work of providing and protecting, loving and leading, being honest and being humble, and when they see a man who by all known accounts is good and decent getting ripped to shreds on national TV night after night for something no one can prove, it triggers something in those men all over this country. It triggers anger, frustration, discouragement, sadness, and fear.

Fear? Yes, fear. Not for themselves but for their families. A fear of what's coming. A fear of a loss of control. A fear that they too can be stripped away from all they hold dear and will be powerless to stop it.

I believe I am one of those men. I am not a super hero, but I try to be one to my kids. I'm not Jack, but I try to be him towards my wife. I'm not perfect, but I know the One who is.

On behalf of the men I humbly as you to stop it. Stop believing the worst of us. Stop trying to make us something we are not. Stop tearing us down. Stop viewing us as your enemy. 

The enemy is out there and for those of you attacking us...we're your best defense for staying safe.